I reckon I live life backwards when I plan which days the children can be ill, based on my working days, and when Husband has a half day. I ask myself where my priorities are and exactly on what am I basing my decisions. The guilt of not putting my children first and then the guilt of letting my colleagues down. The pull on my heartstrings when I know I’ve packed them off to school when they’re not quite right, just so that I can show up at work. If only I didn’t work, I’d keep them at home – but really what else can I do? The reasons I can come up with and the excuses are sometimes laughable. Of course, seeing it written down like this, in black and white, it’s not a problem at all – of course I put my children first…
Then there is the debate with Husband, and at certain times it’s almost competitive about who gets to go to work (not who stays with the unwell children and takes good care of them!) I regularly ask myself whether I should chuck it all in; the only problem is the knock-on effect on the mortgage!
I even keep a note of the extra hours worked so that if anyone tries to challenge me for being away from work because of children, although I work from home on these days, so that should not be a problem.
This is one of those weeks. Daughter only just got through the day on Monday, and has been at home since Tuesday. Son joined us mid-morning on Tuesday. So I’ve running between two children who feel awful, need lots of cuddles and don’t really know what it is they want (poor little things). There’s the usual bed swapping during the night as they both need cuddles, books to be read after nightmares, drinks to get, honey for sore throats, medicines etc etc.
For me, it’s just so disheartening as we were in the very same boat three weeks’ ago.